Note (for those who do not know the Kashmiri language and traditions as well as for those who pretend that they don’t!):- Winter in Kashmir is traditionally divided into three periods – the fierce and forbidding Chilai Kalan (lasting from 21st December to 31st January) followed by his milder mate the Chilai Khurd (which lasts for twenty days) and then the kid Chilla Baccha which is more of a naughty prankster than a serious threat…
The heavy snowfall over the last few days has not only had the common man in Kashmir stuck in his home (or on the road depending upon where he got caught by the white fury!) but has also delivered a high voltage shock to the administration (even in the absence of electricity!). “Who could ever have imagined that things would come to such a pass?!” a stunned senior official of the administration said in a dazed voice, “That too when we had just held a farewell party in honour of the departed Hon’ble Chilai Kalan!”
I too had heard about the huge farewell party that had been organized in honour of Chilai Kalan. Everybody who was anybody in the official machinery had attended this party. A collective sigh of relief was expressed at the party that the worst of the winter was over and the common man had survived it somehow through his own devices as usual with the administration collecting bagfuls of brownie points in the bargain. There had been a lot of self-congratulatory speeches and the officials had indulged in a veritable orgy of mutual patting of backs (and in some cases backsides as well!). Reportedly the ‘spoils’ of the war with Chilai Kalan (a war which of course was waged mostly on paper!) were discreetly distributed between the various stakeholders in cozy side-rooms at the venue while the party was in full swing in the main hall. The administration had decided to let its hair down in the party and did not feel any need to tie it up back once the party ended. Call it absentmindedness of the system or an unfortunate oversight or maybe the administrative memory just slipped on the banana skin of complacency but there it was! Mrs Chilai Kalan nee Lady Chilai Khurd with her Chilla Baccha in tow (who notwithstanding his tender age – its just 10 days after all – has many a time proved to be an ‘infant terrible’!) were completely forgotten! No wonder Chilai Khurd felt slighted and living up to the famous saying of some Wit that Hell has no fury worse than a woman scorned let loose her fury and caused the whole of Kashmir (the authorities included!) to disappear under a heavy cloak of snow!
“I am always saying you can never figure out the female!” the dazed official continued shaking his head in wonder, “Always unpredictable! Who would have thought that Lady Chilai Khurd would pack such a punch! She had us grounded! On our knees I say and I don’t mean that metaphorically. Yesterday I slipped not less than five times on the uncleared snow and there I was on my knees paying obeisance to the mighty Lady!”
“I am sure the same can be said about the rest of the administrative machinery as well. In fact it looks like they are still finding it difficult to get back on to their feet!” I said.
“No wonder! Chilai Kalan’s begum proved that she is indeed his better half, better by a foot or so of snow. We more or less tackled Chilai Kalan but his lady proved to be quite a shovelful! Really goes to prove that the female of a species is always the deadlier. We underestimated her and see where it has landed us!”
“In snow…turning to slush…to flooded roads?” I suggested. The dazed senior official morosely nodded in assent.
“But if I remember right there were warnings…” I said.
“Indeed there were but we took them with a pinch of salt thinking that at the most Chilai Khurd would indulge in a bit of coquetry and won’t go beyond a mild flirtation, snow flurries and stuff and that too diluted with rain… In fact even as the snowflakes drifted down and even as the snow started piling up the snow clearance contractors slept peacefully, smiling in their dreams. They thought that the mere excuse of a snow that Lady Chilai Khurd could muster would automatically disappear before the morning dawned, a godsend opportunity for them to collect a generous bonus because snow means bills and solid cash even if it goes the liquid way on its own. But…” the dazed official lapsed into a deeper daze and seemed to lose track of his words.
“But it was not to be?” I supplied a prompt.
He grasped at the cue and a modicum of animation returned to his features, “Yes exactly! It was not to be. The snow instead of being a gossamer-thin lacy layer, as we had imagined Lady Chilai Khurd was wont to flaunt, was a thick muscular layer that seemed to scorn the very idea of spontaneous liquefaction. There it lay inches and inches of it burying the roads into oblivion and the bunch of us could do nothing more than shuffle our feet and try not to look embarrassed! The wily lady really sent a chill up our spines!”
“So Lady Chilai Khurd turned into a femme fatale?” I tried to lighten his mood.
He didn’t find it amusing and a shudder went though him as he said in a whisper, “Cruel lady! La belle dame sans merci!”
“Come on now!” I tried to shake him out of his daze, “You could always sell this as an example of female empowerment!”
He looked up sharply and his eyes shone and clutching my hand he said, “Now that’s an idea! We might even manage to take credit for that!”
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)